You Complete Me?

The phrase alone doesn't really sound logical. On the other hand, we all know exactly what it means because we know how it feels to long for, or "need" another person. But does this really mean that the other person 'completes' you? Let's look further into this.

It's a fact that we are all born alone (even if you're a twin or etc.) and we all die alone (even if you die with others). Your journey and experience is yours alone. Knowing this, how can you need anyone else to complete you?

It only appears that it takes another to complete us. In reality, it is always us as an individual, that completes us. To illustrate, when John and Jane met and got to know each other, they formed a great attachment to each other. They became inseparable. If any significant period of time had to pass without them being together, they would miss each other greatly. But the clues to why they feel this way also provide the answers we're looking for.

John has formed an idea of a his perfect mate. He had this idea long before he met Jane. Jane so happens to fit John's idea in almost every way. John's idea of Jane is his alone and only affects his experience of her. Even when John is physically with Jane, John only ever experiences his own impressions of her. He only experiences his interpretation of who she is, how she looks, and how she acts. So in reality, it is John's idea of how his mate should be that he is attached to. It's not Jane, herself, but the idea that John has of Jane. The exact same thing goes for Jane and how she feels about John.

People have convinced themselves that it is "other people" who make them feel the way they do. In reality, no one can "make" you feel anything. It is the ideas that you hold so close that truly affect your mood. If John should suddenly drastically change in behavior or looks and deviate from Jane's idea of what her perfect mate is, Jane would not hold him in the same regard. While the attachment might remain for a while, she would be stressed out or heart broken. Only after the attachment is severed would she feel relief from this stress. She would feel indifferent about John because she reclaims the idea of her ideal mate. Once reclaimed, she's once again ready to bestow it on someone else.

Realizing that it is only our own ideas that complete us, we can see that we really only use others to bring these ideas into the physical world. By concentrating on your ideal mate and feeling the abundance of their company (even if they don't physically exist right now) you can be just as happy and fulfilled as if they were walking beside you. In contrast, you could be in a relationship with your ideal mate right now, but if you are not appreciating them or are only feeling a lack of what you want, you will not be happy with them.

When you really think about it, you always have your perfect mate with you. Your perfect mate is an idea that you created and if you give it the proper attention, you can feel the abundance of this presence at anytime. Not only can you feel better by appreciating this fact, but it actually helps to physically attract a person of this nature to you.

Happiness starts and ends with you. Once you can be happy with yourself, you have an unlimited supply to share with others. A relationship works out so much easier when you have two whole people complementing each other, rather than two needy souls looking for validation from each other.

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The Rambling Taoist said...

Great post, if for no other reason than you explained this phrase that I have never understood!

Though you didn't mention it directly, I think you've described why the divorce rate is so high. People couple because of their ideation of each other. When one or the other partner grows beyond the parameters of the ideation, it tends to break the spell and so the couple goes off looking for others who will fit inside their narrow definition.

One other thought. If your partner "completes you," does this mean you become incomplete when they die?

Rizal Affif - The Soul Sanctuary said...

Interesting perspective on attachment and addiction in romantic relationship. You complete me? Sounds like what Joker said to Batman, hehehehehehe :D

Yet, to me, a lover completes me as a mirror that reflects the perfection of One :)

C. Om said...

Rambling Taoist,
Much appreciated! And your observation about losing a partner to death once again proves how absurd it its to honestly believe that it takes another to complete you.

Without Batman, the Joker's idea of what an arch enemy truly is would not be physically manifested. It does make perfect sense. Batman adds to his identity as a super criminal. :-)

And a lover that serves as a mirror is so much more accurate of a definition than a missing puzzle piece!

CordieB said...

So true. No one can actually complete another. We are not halves or parts of ourselves, we are indeed already our whole selves. It is wonderful when we engage in relationships that are complementary to our essense; but can be quite painful,when relationships are not. You said, "By concentrating on your ideal mate and feeling the abundance of their company (even if they don't physically exist right now) you can be just as happy and fulfilled as if they were walking beside you." I don't think that statement is absolutely truthful...I believe we are born to establish relationships with others (and thus learn to love others and ourselves to deeper levels, not just in our minds. I don't think that one can be just as fullfilled by that which which doesn't yet exist - although perhaps our thoughts can manifest such an existence into being. Normally, we attract that which we feel we need, be it to nurture others or to be a nurtured. Many of these feelings begin early in childhood, and we actually do not remember them, yet they often become dominant in our personality until we recognize our patterns and desire a change. ...but that's another blog.

Thanks for the insight!

Peace, Light and Love,

C. Om said...

There's a difference between fulfillment and progression. They can be looked at almost like yin and yang. A balance is necessary to feel the best you can feel and do the most that you can do. When I speak of feeling the abundance of the company of your ideal mate, I'm putting the emphasis on the 'fulfillment' part of the equation because the 'progression' is not possible without going through the relationships with others and thus learning to love others and ourselves to deeper levels. We can't attract what we want without holding the right vibration. And it is when we get what we want that we are able to learn from these relationships.

I agree that we are here to establish relationships, but these are all with different parts of ourselves. Other people in our lives are like characters in our dreams. They are us because it is our consciousness which produces the impression we get from them. Our awareness gives light to their existence in our experience.

There is no "out there" out there. Our relationships with others are actually relationships with ourselves. We only experience our interpretation of others.

Transcending all lack and having the best possible relationships with yourself (and others) is based in a feeling of abundance.

I appreciate your insight Cordie. Thanks! :-)

Anonymous said...

'no one can "make" you feel anything'- this was d best line for me, as it supports what I believe.

U've writen few of great posts. I loved ur blog. Happy writing!