Here's an excerpt from the book, "What Is Really Good?"
There are many people all over the world who are blissfully happy in their current relationship and may give the credit of their happiness to their significant other. There are also many people who are utterly miserably due to a current situation with a mate or an ex. They may also credit the other person for turning their life into a living hell. The truth is, they would all be wrong.
No one can make you feel anything. You experience yourself through interaction with others. We even acknowledge this when we describe our experiences.
If you are with someone you find attractive and has a great persona, you say, "I really enjoy myself when I'm with them." You enjoy yourself.
If you had to spend time with someone who you did not really care for, like, or found repulsive, you say, "I can't stand to be around them." You (yourself) do not find joy in their company.
In most cases, people have a relationship with themselves through other people. In other words, a person creates an idea in their mind of what the other person is or should be, and if their expectations are met, 'good' describes the experience of their company. If the expectations are not met, 'bad' best describes the way it feels to be in their company. In this way, we can see that it is all perspective and the only absolute truth is your observation of what is. How you interpret the observation determines your experience.
Relationships, in general, are great place to showcase the ego's identification with what a person's role should be with you. If a person sticks to the script that the ego has written; an attachment is formed and happiness, pleasure, gratification, infatuation, and 'falling in love' is the result. These feelings are all relative, however, because they are all borne of the ego's identification with what should be. They all come with the seed of their opposite ready to sprout as soon as the other person strays from ego's script. The happiness turns to sadness, gratification to regret, pleasure to pain, 'love' to hate, and infatuation changing polarity from positive to negative. The attachment remains for a time after the switch or the negative feelings toward the person would have no power. It would be more of an indifference.
The 'love' that Tina Turner sings about in, "What's Love Got To Do With It," is the 'love' of the ego's identification with what should be. The egoic 'love' really is "a second hand emotion." It is not the love of your true self. As a matter of fact, the majority of 'love' songs are of the egoic mind persuasion.
The egoic 'love' is relative while true love is absolute. The love of your true essence is never anything to be sad about. True love is unconditional. True love has no opposite. True love and acceptance is the natural feeling we have towards everyone and everything when we are conscious without egoic mind interference. It is the attraction we have for our true selves that we are able to perceive in all creation when we are in the present moment. It is the reason for sayings like "God is love" and "it's all love." It is the reason why people perform selfless acts and feel rewarded.
The ego's checklist of what a mate should be is what most people in the world are looking for in a relationship. There would not be such terms as 'trophy wife' and 'dream husband' if there was not a preconceived ego identification with what the perfect mate would be like. The very idea of being romantic or what your definition of romance amounts to, is totally relative. There can be as many definitions of romance as there are people you ask to define it.
People, more often than not, are looking for their happiness in and through another person. You can share good times with someone. You can share a lifetime with someone. But it is never the other person that is the source of your happiness. The source of your happiness and everything else you feel, is you and the way you perceive life situations. In other words, if you are not in the frame of mind that supports being happy; it doesn’t matter who you’re sharing your life with or what the situation is, you will not be happy. It is easier for most to believe that someone else is making them happy than to accept the fact that you can not be happy unless there is a level of acceptance. No body else outside of you can be your everything because you are your everything.
For more, read What Is Really Good? and stay tuned!